Seasons Change, and So Can We

Seasons Change, and So Do We

Originally Published in North Simcoe Life, Fall 2023

Fall is upon us. Each morning we are greeted with an air that is more brisk, and we see leaves tumble to the ground. Some lament the end of summer, and many grumble about the approaching winter. Autumn is the natural progression of the seasons, we must go through it. It is the inescapable turn of the seasons, and reminds us that change is inevitable. If change is inevitable, then why do we so often we go through it with such resistance? Often I feel as though our heels are in the mud, our feet are planted. We often feel like we are getting dragged along, and in turn offer the most thorough application of resistance- the more we feel out of control of the change, the more we resist.

Years ago a friend chose to use her middle name rather than her first name. She is actress and it was part of the evolution of her career- a move to Hollywood, claiming her new life, her evolution of her own character. Yet, what resistance she was given from the rest of us left behind! Here she was, making a major leap in her life, and we had our heels stuck in so hard! Change her name?!  Yet we were also incredibly proud- what a risk taker! What an amazing move- going to Hollywood?! That’s all in. Were we jealous deep down that we weren’t ‘all in’ on our own lives? Definitely.

And yet, in comparison, when I got married and changed my last name- no one questioned me. The changing of a women’s last name to the man’s last name?! Ooph- that’s loaded, that’s gendered, that’s patriarchal. And yet it slips by, easily accepted by society, and for the most part- it is expected. To not change your last name as a women is an act of rebellion. (I did not rebel here… more for another time.) The point is, when you break out of the usual societal mold, whatever that may be (patriarchy, most likely), you meet resistance, and most often from those closest to you. More recently a friend came out as transgender. I decided there would be no resistance from me, only support, and it has been wonderful. Why should I resist? It has nothing to do with me. They are still a great friend, and arguably an even better friend because they are living more in their truth. Yes I had to practice with my pronouns, but I had to practice with name changes too. 

We are so programmed, we often default without giving things any thought. Why am I resisting? What am I resisting? Is this to do with them, or is this to do with me? Deep down, we hope that summer can’t and won’t go on forever, and truly- I hope I change throughout my life! 

You can make things hard, dig in your heels and feel like you're being dragged through life, or you can take some steps and bravely go forward, moving toward what you desire and supporting your friends along the path to their dreams.